Well folks, I spent most of 2021 and the first few days of 2022 in tears. Not because anyone upset me but because I am flabbergasted by how much I’ve grown. Make no mistake, I have a trauma background and have never known what life on a solid foundation looked like…until now.
Since that fateful day when I walked out of my old life and made a deal with God never go back to that version of me, I’ve been peering into the shadows of my soul, doing the hard inner work, shedding people, places and patterns of behaviour that do not align with my highest ‘Self’ and making peace with parts of me I have been at war with for years.
Sure, people tell me I look brighter, that I’m a better person, that they’re impressed with my outlook on life and that I’m a calming energy force, but I finally woke up this New Year’s Day 2022 and believed it.
The warped, limiting beliefs that used to motivate me to perform as a lawyer no longer work because I have found and own my inner worth first and foremost.
I have found my inner peace.
Here’s the rub…..now that tumultuous chapter of my life is over and I’m in a new Dharma Class, what happens next?
Well I’ve found out that I am on this evolutionary journey for the rest of my life. Sure I am currently basking in the inner peace I have worked so hard to cultivate. After all, I worked jolly hard for this level of inner peace! I showed up for myself in VERY hard ways and I’ve had to let go of so much to get here. But one cannot go back to sleep! So I press on and keep showing up for myself in the ways that I need to. I’m booking more massages, dedicating more time to meditation, prayer and practice and continuing to simplify to amplify my life. After all, it was a relentless commitment to my evolution that got me to this beautiful place. I can’t stop now!
So you see, showing up for yourself is not a destination. It’s a journey. I may have made peace with myself but now there’s more work to do to embody that peace in much deeper ways. It’s yoga in action. You never master a pose. Once you are comfortable with the pose, you work to go deeper into to it, to embody it more fully, and in doing so it often leads you towards a higher level pose.
Similarly, in the stripping back and deep dive into the inner depths of my soul I have deconstructed my opinion of myself over and over again until I unearthed the real ‘Me’ under all the layers of other people’s opinions, external pressures, and childhood conditioning. I am pleased to say that I have found myself.
Of course, I am an infinite being. As are YOU! and there is much more I have to discover about ME. It’s evergreen. So now that I have deconstructed myself, I must embark on the journey of building the life of my dreams.
Watch this space…